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The Dazzling Almond
A wonderful gift for your crazy af sister
Almond-scented
When the candle burns out, you will find a single almond at the bottom
3 bottles of Tequila made of tears are included
Worth more than your life you crack hoe
Colors come in: bland tan, coffee chunks, burned edamame beans, dirt, and dead innocence
Sign Language for Dummies
Great for people who already know Sign Language
How to sign curse words
For 40+
Good for hitting your head with it when you feel stupid
Great for people with insomnia
Free Tan Mug Included
Comes in: Boring, Extra Boring, and Eternal Sleep
Dance Dance Revolt
Dance your tiny heart out
Gr8 for exercising
For lazy people
K-POP music included
Made for 2.5+
Comes with Free Words + a deodorant stick
Jumbo Ukulele
Comes in 4 sizes: XXXXXL, XXXXXXL, XXXXXXXXL, and Bigger than your ego
Effective for getting shot
Can crack someone over the head with it
Not Father-made
Comes in Extreme Brown
Gargantuan Chopsticks
Perfect for s
tabbing someone who ratted you for lying about kissing the prince
Sometimes used for rolling dough
Good for Asian moms to spank you with
Antennas
Good for picking your nose
3000 lbs of yarn is included
Sweaty Sweetheart Sweatpants
You can't wear these sweatpants
Usually worn while reading trashy romance novels
Perfect for a date with the prince by the mountains
Dangerous for 17+
Comes with a Rolf Sartorius
Will feel the urge to sing cringy 12-year old created songs
Bottle of Sadness
Made from genuine tears
A daily dosage of the amount Haiden Schreave cries
Use if you're high/for hangovers
Gift to way too perky people
Make sure you're hydrated bc you will cry a lot
Don't pee and cry or you will die
Watch lots of dog videos
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